I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
