I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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