dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
