Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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