Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
