we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
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Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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