There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
