I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
