Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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