I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
