isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
