i think my tv is drunk
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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