he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
