I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
