I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
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I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
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FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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