You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
