i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
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Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
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Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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