Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
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Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
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New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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