Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
They have beer where we have blood.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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