i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
