if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
