They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
