Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
