paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
