Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Randomize
