Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize