and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
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She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
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Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize