Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
