two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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