Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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