I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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