What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
