i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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