Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
