3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
