so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
