Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
what day is it and did you see me today?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
