Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
