if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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