I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
