my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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