So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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