the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
