I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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