She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
