how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
