So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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