we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
