Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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