i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
