I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.