What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
