shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
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using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
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I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!