Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?