We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
