it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?