no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
