how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.