So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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