HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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