We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
