The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
