I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
