So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
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Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
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He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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