the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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