his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
