did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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