I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
