Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
