it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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